The head and heart

from chapter 5, but first

Aries is considered the first sign and one of the head, I recognize myself in this statement because of a very specific feeling I've had of not only feeling extremely strongly the tension in my head's chakras but a lack of feeling of the heart chakra.

Many esoteric teachings mention those two paths so I was never really worried about it, I accepted my more head natural way but still, I was confused because through Reiki and such traditions, I had great results and it didn't feel like I was consciously directing energy so much and more that I was able to be sensitive and let go.

But the heart is of action not so much of feeling, we can truly see it as the center because the heart can live without the brain but the brain cannot live long without the heart. We could name those two paths that of mysticism and of occultism, mysticism being essentially a feeling of unity and occultism of being aware and in control of forces unseen to the untrained eye.

So when you start understanding the heart not so much as the love in the sense of feeling love but more in terms of a verb as sang Massive Attack, it may explain why I could feel all other chakras except this one people always claim to feel in their social network posts.

"I feel it, love" sounds like a complaint, it's not the shield I imagine, not the engine that gives life to all, the furnace at the center but more like the little ego with self-pity at the center of the scale putting everything in perspective with it's suffering.

A duality that was presented is that of miracle and magic, the heart feels more like a miracle because the whole spontaneously aligns itself with the strength of the source and just accomplishes it while the head feels more like a magic spell, focusing the mental energies to the point of manifestation by careful manipulation.

In Reiki and such, I say and such because I actually started experimenting with healing before meeting Reiki, just with my vital energy mainly from not ejaculating, the feeling of oneness was indeed the action, it felt like a miracle where healing would just happen, I want to say through me but I feel that it's still giving me too much importance in the process, in retrospect, it's probably something like I aligned myself with the source of vitality through my own center of vitality and thus allowed the center of the vitality of the patient to come in alignment with the source, but after that, I'm completely out of the equation, the longevity of the therapy really depends on the openness of the patient to the source itself.

I only started feeling the heart chakra after stumbling on the description of the heart in the agni yoga glossary, this is the sentence that changed it all for me: "First of all, one should recognize the centrifugal aspect of the heart and study outward from it, not inward toward it."

I stopped looking at the heart with this question, why do I feel everything but you and started looking at the heart as everything but itself, because the heart's power comes precisely from not being self-centred, the moment it is caught in self-pity it stops action, and it lives for action.

Maybe one shouldn't look at the heart in a metaphorical sense but really look at what the heart does as a muscle, constantly pushing blood in and out of every organ thus providing it with the fuel to do the holistic work it wants to see.

The heart really isn't a feeling but a drive, it's action, and when I started seeing it with my mental eye as such, the heart automatically stopped being the small point I was seeking it out to be but became the obvious fire it always was.

It's now impossible for me to look at the heart without feeling the throat and the plexus chakra just engulfed with the overflow of the heart.

Thus, the apparatus of sensitivity we usually think it to be becomes the whole body just flushing out its fires and sensing the whole world surrounding it and bringing it back closer to the heart; this emanation becomes the aura, the shield of vitality, and darkness diminishes as the light grows. Only then, it is sensitive indeed, but only because it is active.

Love is a verb.
- Massive Attack